Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Where's the Fairy God Mother?

I have this friend, this male friend, this rather hot male friend, this amazingly witty and wonderfully sarcastic rather hot male friend, who happens to live in New York City. I just visited New York City. I know what you’re wondering. Did we ‘hook up’? Or at least I think that’s what you’re wondering because everyone to whom I happened to mention my friend asked if there was a romantic spark between us. And I didn’t even describe him at length, but rather merely mentioned that I had an old ‘he’ friend in the city. So why the hell was the first thing that popped into everyone’s minds whether or not we were going to have sex in the city? Do I come across as a gal with boy toys in various major cities? (In my dreams.) Do I seem overly desperate to get laid? (And here I thought I hid that so well.) Or do you all just hope that Prince Charming is out there for me somewhere? (As if life were a fairy tale.)

Here’s the thing, he would be my Prince Charming except for one little problem. He is a complete neat freak and I am a total slob. I’m afraid things would never work out. If we ever lived together there would be squabbles about the need for daily dusting, fights over dirty dishes in the sink, and eventually the relationship we have built up over the years, the one that allows us to reveal our innermost thoughts without fear of reproach, would be shattered. That would be far worse than never getting laid again in my whole life. (Well, almost as bad anyway.) So, as you can see, taking things to the next level carries a certain amount of risk. Also a certain amount of improbability, since my dear old friend is gay.

Lest you go thinking I’m a fag hag (not that I really care if that’s what you think, mind you), I’ve known him since junior high. We hung out though high school and that he might be gay was the furthest thing from my mind. He had girlfriends, for goodness sakes! (Also secret crushes on guys, but that was for him to know and no one else to find out ‘till he fessed up recently.) After college he even married a big-breasted, blonde bombshell. A mistake, as he explains it now. (And possibly evidence that hetero sex with a total hottie can not ‘cure’ homosexuality.) He divorced a few years later. We fell out of touch, as my hubby was insanely jealous (emphasis on insanely) and didn’t reconnect until 2003 because of our twentieth high school reunion. (Do the math and you’ll figure out how old I am.) He was more or less out in his day-to-day NYC life, but not for the purposes of the reunion. I only found out that he is gay earlier this year when he sent me a picture of his significant other. Who happened to be a guy. (A totally hot Latino guy! We even dig the same kind of guys. Freaky.)

So, to get this story back to NYC – because you know my blog is all about NYC at the moment – as a matter of fact my friend and I did hook up when I was in NYC. Just not in the sexual way that was on everyone’s dirty little minds when I told them I had a male friend in the city. On Friday he took me to Starbucks (he even knows the way to my heart!) and then gave me a tour of Times Square. Then on Saturday I visited his impeccably neat (no surprise) and well decorated apartment in Chelsea, NYC's gay mecca (although they don't discriminate: straights can live there, too). We had brunch at some little French bistro. Later he procured me a gay map (from a gay store – his description – in Chelsea) because he was afraid I was going to get lost. I had already memorized the map of Manhattan – I’m good with maps – but it was so cute that he insisted that I should have a map. Plus the gay map has an ad on the back for a bath house with 10-man hot tubs and I totally want to check that out. I mean, wow, 10 guys at once. That’s one steamy hot, hot tub!

But I digress. What I wanted to get to eventually (you’re probably thinking, finally she is going to get to the point) is that I’m worried about my friend. See, he let slide this little comment about his significant other – who I never got to meet because he was working – being a stereotypical jealous Latino. I must have flashed a troubled look, because he immediately back-tracked and said his S.O. wasn’t as bad as my former hubby. (Thank god!) But, he did insist (and I do mean insist) on taking my picture so as to prove that he was spending time with a female and not some other guy. (Red flag!) Normally I do not pose for pictures, but I let him take one just in case he was being serious. He mentioned that he hoped his significant other did not think I was a guy in drag. (Red flag! Or just sarcasm? Hard to tell. He beats me in the sarcasm game hands down.) When I pushed all I got was some vague fluffery about the causes of jealousy. (Red flag!) I may be making something out of nothing here, but I’ve been down the insanely jealous boyfriend road and I’m seeing all the signs. Ugh! I really want this story to end happily even if I’m not the one to get Prince Charming. So, where the hell is the friggin’ fairy god mother when you need her?

8 comments:

abbagirl74 said...

Totally got you on the best guy thing and not being attracted. Went through that recently myself, however, mine wasn't gay. Hope he isn't facing any hardships at home, your friend.

Nina said...

My best male friend is also gay and I actually call him Prince Charming since he is everything I ever dreamed of, well except for the sex part. He gave me the Queen name Kamanna I. Wannalaya.

I think his S.O. was jealous of me too until he met me. Now I'm one of the family.

Perhaps if you met the hot-headed Latino, his fears would ease?

If not, watch your back, sister!

Angela said...

Great post. I have a bestest gay friend, too. I'm always on the lookout for him, he's a sweet guy that deserves the best. And he's a total neat freak.

By the way, have you seen Shrek 2? Fairy God Mother's a psycho bitch!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Crankster said...

Is it possible that the insanely jealous thing is, in part at least, playacting between the two of them? Not really my kind of turn-on, but it takes all kinds...

Blondie said...

Well, the fairy godmother only appears when the fairy wants her to. Sadly, we all have to figure this one out for ourselves. But you are a very good friend to be concerned!

ShadowFalcon said...

One of my best friends is gay (and I knew before he even admitted it to himself) and it turns out that he's my fairy godmother.

Hang in there, things work out when you least expect them...

PARLANCHEQ said...

Abbagirl74: Did I say I wasn't attracted? ;) (It's just never been like that, that's all.)

Nina: Yikes! I have had my fill of being the target of hot-headed Latinos' ire, so he better not be jealous of me.

Angela: Another neat freak? I am starting to see a pattern here! Haven't seen Shrek 2, but not you've piqued my interest...

Crankster: Hmm, hard to say, but could be.

Blondie: So true, the fairy godmother only comes when beckoned.

Shadow Falcon: Wow, you must have impeccable gay-dar. ;)

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