Saturday, November 18, 2006

Speak Now Mom and Dad, Please

The TomKat wedding is like a horrific car wreck; people just can’t look away. ‘Cause what’s more enticing than celebrity antics?

Second in interest only to the report of the $340 thong Katie Holmes will be wearing under her gazillion-dollar wedding dress are details of the wedding vows that she and Tom Cruise will exchange during their Scientology ceremony.

Apparently Tom and Katie will vow to never go to sleep mad at one another. Wacky as Scientology is, this actually sounds like a nice thing for couples to promise one another. Might be a bit of a fairy tale idea, though. Speaking from personal experience, if me and the former hubby had made this vow, it would have pretty much excluded sleeping during our entire marriage.

Tom will vow to spoil Katie with luxuries. Sweet. Almost made me want to go out and find a Scientologist to marry. Then I read what Scientology’s idea of luxury is: clothes, food, a pan, a comb and a cat. Huh? Unless maybe if it’s this cat, these things hardly qualify as luxuries. I’m holding out for a guy whose religion has luxuries with real bling.

Katie will be reminded that Tom, being a man, is free to forget his vows and screw around on the side. Now that that has been publicized I imagine husbands everywhere are going to be pushing their wives to convert to Scientology.

Finally, the family and friends gathered for the ceremony will be told the Scientology version of ‘speak now or forever hold your peace.’ This will be the cue for Mr. and Mrs. Holmes to stand up and tell Tom what they really think about their daughter's marriage to him. Or at least that’s what Katie must be hoping.

10 comments:

Skittles said...

Is that baby getting ugly, or is that just me? (Laugh.)

Kevin said...

I HATE celebrity shit like this.

Lee said...

Tom Cruise has got to go.

Starrlight said...

Oh do these two ever merit a great big "who gives a flying fuck."

Tom Cruise is a short, freaky, narcissistic asshat who needs to FOAD and in a hurry.

Can ya tell I find him repugnant? If I were Katie, I'd be counting on that free to forget clause like there was no tomorrow.

Crankster said...

Not to be creepy, but Swarofski crystals on a thong? Sounds a little dangerous.

Lee said...

Would somebody please tell me what FOAD means? I feel retarded.

austere said...

hmm let them, free world and all that and good for the paparazzi...

BeeJiggity said...

huh-yeah.

Like permission from God (or whoever)is gonna get you off the hook for cheatin.

It won't help the case. Trust me, if you cheat, you better lie about it like you're supposed to.

"Free to Forget," "Nessecities and follies," Talk about a wet hornet!

Poor Tom may never jump on a couch again!

Tom,
DENY EVERYTHING,
ADMIT NOTHING,
NEVER ADMIT ANYTING!
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!!!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I think it's probably "fuck off and die," but I'm not sure.

I wish Tomkat would leave us alone. Forever. I'm gagging here.

Starrlight said...

Ya nailed it, heart =)

And I am with ya. I can't comment on the thong, the idea of it is repellent. I did hear a snarky comment on the thong though. The wanted to point out to Katie that it didn't matter what kind of bun you put the hotdog in, if the guy didn't like hotdogs!