Wednesday, November 01, 2006

West Wing Marriage Woes

Poor George Bush. Nobody likes him these days. His public approval ratings are at an all-time low. And now even his own wife is sick to death of his shit. That’s right, folks, Laura Bush wants a divorce. I am not making this up. It was reported in the November 6th edition of The Globe.* And, god knows, they never publish anything that has not been thoroughly fact checked, so this has got to be the real deal.

According to The Globe, Laura has the divorce papers in hand and is giving Bush until January 1, 2007 to shape up or she’s filing them. “…Among the first lady’s grievances are [Bush’s] waning attention to their marriage, his refusal to spend quality and intimate time with her, the nagging rumors over his relationship with [Condoleezza] Rice – and she’s concerned that George is back on the bottle” (The Globe, 11/6/2006, pp. 18-19).

Well that last one sure explains a lot. Booze can really cloud people’s judgment and make them say and do really stupid things. So I guess that would mean that Bush has been back on the bottle for about 7 years or so? I’m just speculating on that, mind you. We’ll need to check with Laura to be sure. It could be longer.

But, really, what I’m most interested in are Laura’s other allegations. She doesn’t get enough intimate time? Intimate time as in sex? (Not that a prim and proper librarian would ever mutter that word in public, but that’s what it’s gotta mean, right?) Truthfully if I were in her shoes, I’d be ecstatic to not have to do the deed on any kind of a regular basis (if ever). Given who her husband is and all. But that’s just me. And what’s this about rumors of a Bush-Condi relationship? Is it a boss-subordinate relationship? Or some other kind of relationship? Come on, Globe writers, don’t leave the world guessing on this one. We are depending on you for the full scoop. Preferably with incriminating photos.

*Disclaimer: If any of this post is less than 100% accurate, blame The Globe. Speaking of which, do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to actually purchase The Globe? It’s practically like announcing to everyone in the checkout lane that you are, in fact, a total and complete moron. Too bad it doesn’t come in a plain brown wrapper like porn. I would totally buy it every week because it’s chock full of blog fodder. Maybe I can take my porn out of its wrapper and stick The Globe in. I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a perv; I just don't want them to think I'm an idiot.


Meloncutter said...

Dang, I hate to hear that. Couldn't she just get an intern to fill the void? (pardon the pun)

Later Y'all

Odat said...

LOL...I saw this in the supermarket on Sunday...and thought hmmmmm....wonder what's up with that? (or not, as the case seems to be). I didn't buy
I'm glad you did! And yes, the booze would explain a lot...(in all areas I guess).

BeeJiggity said...

"Bush has been back on the bottle for about 7 years or so?"

You know, Bush my boy, but that's funny as hell.

I also wonder why GW would hold out on a (grading on an age curve) babe like ol' Laura.

Comparing first ladies, she's probably tops.

Jackie O gets too much love. She was funny lookin'. You know, the regular kinda funny lookin'.

Lady Byrd,Mrs Nixon, Reagan, Bush 1 and the "Smartest woman in the world" are all gruesome. I mean real plastic surgery candidates. Too scary to make Halloween Masks. UUUGH!

And I love Condi. I mean Condi/Guliani '08!!! But I ain't about to spend time alone in my room with a snapshot of her. She's Presidential, not pretty.

My bottom line here; Laura's ridin' the cowboy. All is well in Washington. Nuff' said.

Nina said...

Thanks for the brown paper switch idea! This will come in so handy.

I'd hate for anyone to think I'm an idiot, but perv? No problem.

John H said...

If there's any justice there will be some kind of space abduction where Bush will be probed within an inch of his life and then re-programmed to make Dunkin Donuts....or become a WWE wrestler and move in with Bigfoot.

Jill said...

Yeah, I agree that Laura is the best looking. I wouldn't mind being as smart as Hillary, but I wouldn't even wear her as a Halloween mask.

Crankster said...

It's funny to joke about Bush being on the bottle...until you remember that Reagan was dealing with advancing Alzheimer's throughout his second term. It makes me worry about who's actually making the decisions.


Meloncutter: I was thinking maybe a Secret Service guy with a big gun but, OK, an intern will work, too. :)

Odat: I tried to have restraint but I just couldn't resist buying it, given the headline.

Bejiggity: Ha! I don't know, though, Babs Bush was pretty hot stuff. :) My ex husband seriously thought Babs was Bush Sr's mother, not wife, the first time he saw her.

Nina: My thoughts, exactly!

John H: Would you settle for him being relegated to a ranch in Texas? That may be the most we can hope for.

Jill: Well then, Bush better take notice of his hot wife before he loses her... ;)

Crankster: Thanks goodness we at least have checks and balances; otherwise we'd be in deep shit by now for sure.

newscoma said...

John, you said Bigfoot.
You know how I get.
If the Bush's divorce, I will eat a raisin.
Being that I hate raisins, I feel like I'll be okay, but just to see Laura growl at Georgie with indignation over his lack of prowess or something would be worth eating a raisin.
Forgive me, it's the drugs.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I glance at the Globe and Enquirer furtively on the checkout line, but once when I had the flu, I asked my husband to buy me one. I kept it for weeks.

I especially like whichever rag has articles about things like two-headed babies with Elvis tattoos born to alien hermaphrodite mothers in Osama bin Laden's harem. See, I could write these for a living.


Newscoma: I'm guessing you'll be safe from raisin eating. As for safe from never knows where Bigfoot lurks. ;)

Hearts in San Francisco: I know what you mean. I only bought it for the Bush article, but then I couldn't put it down and read the whole thing cover to cover! :)