Thursday, May 31, 2007

Move to the Suburbs

Dear idiots who live my neighborhood,

If you just can't survive without these summer play-things:



Then might I suggest you move to the suburbs where you could put them in a big-ass yard, instead of on your (wooden) porch, inches away from your (wood-frame) house? I mean, I don't care if you burn your own house down but I'd prefer not to have mine, which happens to be located mere feet from the neighboring structures, go up in flames.

I'd say we'll miss you after you move, but for some of you that would clearly be a lie.


Sincerely,
Your friendly neighbor

3 comments:

Michael C said...

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Especially if your neighbors are as bad at managing fire with those things as I am!

Blondie said...

Same problem in Chicago. But our bigger problem is a billion people on rickety old porches causing them to collapse.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Amen. It is utter stupidity, to say nothing of inconsiderate, to use those things close to a building, especially Other Peoples' buildings.

I resent having my home permeated with BarBQ stench and even worse, the starter fluid they drench their coals with to make a bigger flame. Sterno is really Napalm, by the way.