Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Stuff You Won't Read on CNN

I think the person in my neighboring apartment has H1N1. I heard her hacking up a storm earlier today right outside my apartment door. Shortly thereafter I emptied half a bottle of Lysol spay in the building hallway. And then washed my hands. Twice. You can't be too careful.

And, as if fears of contracting H1N1 aren't enough to turn us all into germaphobes, seems there's some sort of virus spreading across Ukraine, causing severe flu-like symptoms and viral pneumonia. It may be an especially virulent strain of H1N1, though several highly reputable conspiracy theorists have suggested it's a biological weapon manufactured by a pharmaceutical company (Baxter) and spread via the company's flu vaccine, which is being used in Ukraine.

Why would a pharmaceutical company try to spread some sort of pneumonic plague in their flu vaccine, you might wonder. Well, I have a conspiracy theory of my own about that. The more people who get sick, the more drugs that will be sold, right? And the more drugs that are sold, the more money pharma makes, right? So, obviously, the whole thing is nothing more than yet another ploy by big pharma to boost their profits.

When the story hits CNN, just remember you read it here first.

No comments: