Monday, March 01, 2010

Trash Talking

Dear DOWNSTAIRS Neighbor,

You make way too much trash. Seriously. My household has three inhabitants (well, actually, two and a half since Rock Star is hardly ever home), compared to your one, yet you make double the trash we do. And it's really stinky shit, too. Just WTF are you throwing out? I know not recyclables since you fill your recycle bin, too. It's completely gross the way you don't rinse out any of the cans or jars, though. And, pizza boxes? Totally not recyclable round these here parts, dude.

You might wonder how I am so familiar with your trash habits. Well, you know how, once a week, you see your trash barrel and recycle bin move from the driveway to the curb in the evening, then back to the driveway the next morning after trash pick-up? You might have thought it was the trash fairy who was taking care of your barrel and bin rather than let your nasty rubbish accumulate right by the side of our triple decker but, no, it was me.

Several times now I have attempted to inspire you to attend to your own trash by simply ignoring your barrel on trash day. I figured you'd eventually realize trash doesn't just magically disappear if you don't put it curbside on trash day. But you didn't seem to get the message. I am, thus, hoping that you will read this blog post. If not, I fear I might have to trash talk you. And that wouldn't be very neighborly.

Kind regards,
Parlancheq





Dear UPSTAIRS Neighbor,

You make way too much trash. Seriously. My household has three inhabitants (well, actually, two and a half since Rock Star is hardly ever home), compared to your two, yet you make double the trash we do. And it's really stinky shit, too. Just WTF are you throwing out? I know not recyclables since you fill your recycle bin, too. It's completely gross the way you don't rinse out any of the cans or jars, though. And, pizza boxes? Totally not recyclable round these here parts, dude.

You might wonder how I am so familiar with your trash habits. Well, you know how, once a week, you see your trash barrel and recycle bin move from the driveway to the curb in the evening, then back to the driveway the next morning after trash pick-up? You might have thought it was the trash fairy who was taking care of your barrel and bin rather than let your nasty rubbish accumulate right by the side of our triple decker but, no, it was me.

Several times now I have attempted to inspire you to attend to your own trash by simply ignoring your barrel on trash day. I figured you'd eventually realize trash doesn't just magically disappear if you don't put it curbside on trash day. But you didn't seem to get the message. I am, thus, hoping that you will read this blog post. If not, I fear I might have to trash talk you. And that wouldn't be very neighborly.

Kind regards,
Parlancheq






TRASH: anycoloryoulike

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